As wild as it is to me to be typing this right now, today is my last official day of my thirties – with tomorrow marking my grand entrance into the big “4-0” – an age, new decade, and era I truly wasn’t sure I was going to make it to, especially in my wilder and crazier days of my early twenties where I did some of the most insane and reckless stuff imaginable.
There’s a societal stigma that comes with getting older, especially for women, and is particularly prevalent across social media and lurking within comment sections everywhere. Both blatant misogyny from men, and internalized misogyny from women, paints getting older as a crime and something to be avoided or delayed at all costs instead of what it really is – a blessing and something to be celebrated.
While I get the occasional grey hair or knee pain here and there when I bend the wrong way, I view them as a badge of honor and a testament to resilience. I’m here. I made it. I’ve grown, evolved, learned and tried new things, loved and lost – and I have more stories and wisdom to share from it all. Getting older has been a journey, maybe one that hasn’t been easy all of the time – but a journey nonetheless.
And while I have nothing but love, fondness and empathy for those that are just now entering adulthood for the first time (and what a time to do it!) I also know they have a lot to learn – just as I still have a lot to learn from the women who are older and wiser than I am. It’s part of the process and the beauty of aging, after all.
So, after some reflection, I wanted to share ten things I learned in this past decade – not only as a reminder to myself on the bad days or when I’m in a slump, but for anyone else getting older who might like some insight.
These are in no particular order, of course!
– Develop and maintain healthy habits early – and stick with them.: Eating healthy. Working out. Drinking enough water. Getting enough sleep. Proper skin care and avoiding habits like smoking or drinking alcohol in excess. Sure, these are often considered standard – especially around New Years – but the trick is consistency and sticking with a routine each and every day that is the key to getting older with as little health setbacks as possible.
While I definitely have my days where I eat greasy food or have a little too much wine with my friends, I try not to make it a regular thing. I’ve found that eating decent meals, moving my body as much as possible, using sunscreen regularly and chugging water while I’m at work has made me look and feel so much younger, like I’m glowing some days – and it only motivates me to stick with it.
– Your body is going to change. Change with it.: Your metabolism is going to get a little slower. Your skin is going to change. Your hair texture and thickness might change, too. One thing I’ve learned in my thirties is not to fight those changes, but embrace them and go with it. I’ve consulted with my esthetician over the years on ways to keep my skin hydrated and my complexion even, and a nutritionist on ways to make sure my body is getting what it needs as it processes things at a slower pace these days – and while I’m fortunate enough to have access to those resources, there’s plenty of credible and well-researched data available out there for anyone who wants to learn more.
The only thing I’m not ready to change yet is my hair color, and I definitely touch up my roots every few weeks since I want to keep my red shade for as long as possible! But, just remember – nobody looks exactly like they did at twenty years old, and that’s okay!
– Your friendships and relationships will likely evolve, too.: Back in my twenties, I thought the friends I had would be the friends I’d have forever – and while that is thankfully true for a good portion of them – there are some friendships, including very close and dear ones, that fizzled out and faded away in my thirties. While a small percentage of those endings were the result of a falling out or disagreement, most were because people grow and change and sometimes drift apart. It just happens, and it doesn’t negate or cheapen the good times and memories that were created at the height of a friendship/relationship.
I really learned how to nurture and develop my connections in my thirties to where I feel like I am surrounded by some of the best friends imaginable and have a healthy, loving relationship that thrives at this stage of my life – and it makes me all the more grateful.
– Setting boundaries is perfectly okay.: Whether it’s with my family, my friends, my boyfriend or my job – I’ve learned how to set healthy, realistic boundaries in my thirties to protect my peace, maintain my mental health, and prevent me from losing my temper on those around me because of my getting too overwhelmed. It’s often little things, i.e. I finish work at a certain time and will not work longer/later than expected, or I can only schedule a couple of events/plans on weekdays per week, etc., but I hold firm on them. As a result, I’m in control of my time and the people in my life have realistic expectations of me. I never feel like I’m putting in too much effort or that I’m letting anyone down.
And it’s a two-way street, of course. I do my best to respect the boundaries of those around me, being mindful of their schedules, time and feelings. It all ties into nurturing my friendships/relationships.
– Saving money is important, but it’s not the only important thing.: I completely and totally understand the value of saving money for future endeavors or to have a safety net as a precaution for a worst case scenario, and I make it a point to put away as much money as I can, when I can – especially since I still have things like student loan and car payments to make each month, but I’ve watched so many of my friends throughout my thirties miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and experiences because they had it drilled into their heads from a young age that their savings account was the only thing that mattered and that they weren’t “allowed” to be frivolous from time to time.
I am all for financial responsibility and living within your means, but – on occasion – I firmly believe in adapting the “treat yourself” mentality. Take that trip. Have that expensive meal. Buy the dress you can’t stop thinking about. Life is too short and unpredictable to deny yourself some material pleasures here and there. The trick is not making a habit out of it!
– Don’t believe everything you see on social media.: In the age of influencers and people sharing only the highlights of their lives all day, every day, it can be easy to fall into a mindset that you’re not doing enough or not doing it right at all. I can attest I’ve been there, and have fallen down the dreaded “Doom Scrolling” rabbit hole of decluttering videos and “day in my life” diaries late at night – often left wondering why I’m not as productive or as organized as the people I’m watching.
But it goes without saying that social media is, for the most part, an illusion – and that the majority of what we see hides other struggles that aren’t put under a spotlight for the world’s consumption, be it from strangers or from people we know personally. Everyone is going through something – career issues, marital problems, illnesses or ailments, financial woes, you name it. Comparing yourself and your own struggles to the “Best Of” moments someone is sharing is only going to drive you nuts. Unplug and take a moment to appreciate your own accomplishments and successes. You’ll thank yourself for it.
– Don’t make yourself or your passions and interests smaller to appease anyone else.: I am an unapologetic fan of certain bands, music, horror movies/television and video games, and have been since I was a kid. Those are my interests, and in my thirties I really got the opportunity to expand on them while meeting new people and traveling to new places, like working at different comic conventions and expositions, which also resulted in my getting sneak peeks at exciting things that were in development before anyone else.
In my twenties, I had some people say my interests were juvenile, which back then made me feel self-conscious or like I needed to change myself to appear more mature and put-together – but in my thirties, I owned it and leaned into it, and I ended up having the most fun as a result. I even have a horror movie podcast with one of my best friends now, which has been incredible!
So don’t be afraid to share your hobbies and interests, because you’re only going to attract other people with similar tastes – and cultivating a community and new friendships is always a rewarding experience.
– Take as many photos as you can. Back them up often.: Just trust me on this one. You never know when you’re going to see or speak to someone for the last time, and you’re going to want to preserve any and all memories you have of them if they do depart unexpectedly. Snap photos. Snap a million of them. Save all of them – even the blurry or unflattering ones. Back them up immediately.
I perform weekly Cloud backups for all the photos I take during the week, which has been a lifesaver over the years when I’ve experienced technological glitches like my phone dying without warning or having to replace my it all together. I’ve been able to preserve so many memories with the people I love and am comforted to know that I can access those photos any time, any place, when I need or want to.
– You’re allowed to not want marriage or a family, and it doesn’t make you weird or “broken”.: One of the most infuriating things I was asked, often by total strangers, throughout my thirties was when I intended on getting married or having children since my “biological clock was ticking” or I was “running out of time.” When I expressed that I didn’t want either of those things right now, or possibly ever, I was met with disdain, confusion or, sometimes – total disgust.
While I’d love to get married someday, I’ve never wanted children. Ever. I adore my friends’ kids entirely and spoil them as much as I can – but having kids of my own has never interested me. I know myself well enough to know that I am selfish in the way that my money, my time, my priorities – are mine – and that it wouldn’t be fair to bring a child into a world where I wouldn’t be willing to change or compromise that. If anything, it would be grossly irresponsible of me to have a kid I’m not mentally or emotionally equipped to take care of.
So “going against the grain” and society’s expectations for women of marriage and children as soon as possible doesn’t make you a failure, or a bad person, or faulty in any way. You’re allowed to want differently for yourself and to be able to live your life without being shamed for it. I respect the hell out of my friends who are moms and admire everything they do for their families – but that lifestyle was never for me.
– Finally, you’re never too old and it’s never too late.: You do not have an expiration date until you actually expire. You can change careers, change opinions, change your style, change interests, change hair colors, change your location, change your name – reinvent yourself again and then once more if you feel like it – and it’s perfectly fine. You are allowed to do that and anyone who tells you that you’re “too old” is likely too afraid to do it themselves.
You are only as old as you feel, so get out there and live life as if you have all the time in the world, because in many ways – you do – and there are people who did not make it as far as you have who I’m sure would have loved the chance to do so. Live life to the fullest – for you, and for them.
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I think those are the big ones, and definitely the most meaningful ones to me, anyway!
I’m so grateful to have gotten this far and am so excited and hopeful to see what this next decade has in store for me. Each day I count my blessings and express gratitude for the life I’ve been able to have – and I plan on continuing to do that in this new era, too.
I’ll be back with a little recap on Friday of how I’ve been celebrating (so far!) – but if you’d like to share your own advice for entering my forties, feel free to drop me a line!
xo
Coffee & Chiffon 